Sunday, September 16, 2012

Bring it on, Universe - you don't scare me.

So yeah, it's been a while. And after a hiatus from just about everything I could manage, I went out today to start moving again. I woke with a budding migraine and it was overcast and muggy out. But it was time. I took a couple of excedrin, laced up my running shoes and headed to the dam. I set my music on shuffle and this is what it chose to smack me with, first thing:
"Shitty weather, bad timing, lucky penny glued to the ground.
Dirty look from total stranger, hope you get lost and you're not found."
I ran along a course that had been marked in chalk for a race the previous week.  A buzzard left the dead fish he was working on to fly in low and circle around me once before heading off over the water. I found myself laughing. In spite of my pounding head, I was determined to run 2 miles and start getting back on track.  Because I've learned a thing or two over the past few years.  I know now that the best way to keep from drowning is to voluntarily take a deep breath and sink.
"So I hold my breath 'til my heart explodes.
'Cause this is how it is and this is how it goes." 
It sounds counter-intuitive, I know. But there is a peace below the waves and once your eyes adjust, the murk begins to clear. So I sink, and I wait, and I let myself start to consider that the world may have more in store for me than I'd realized. Inevitably the storm passes. I am back above the surface now, breathing deeply. And in time, I'll know what is next for me.
"So unscrew my head and rinse it out.
Polish my thoughts, turn into doubts."
I passed two miles and ran on through the woods. Once I was back in the open, I stopped running at 3.33 miles because I liked the number. And, as always when I see a clock or calendar or odometer hit a triple number like that, I took a moment to wish for peace. Headache completely gone now, I walked back up the steps to the dam and along the water. I was aware that I hold peace in my open hands. Sometimes I just need the space and time to remember that.
"You can steal my body but you can't steal my soul.
'Cause this is how it is and this is how it goes." (Billy Talent)

40 comments:

  1. Bravo! The storms always end and the sun shines again every single time. That much we can count on!

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  2. Doc...
    You had me worried Young Lady.
    Whew!
    You may not realize this, but many people do indeed notice your absence. Your honesty, your culinary delights, your astute observations, your occasional saucy escapades. You are one of those precious creatures that make life worthwhile.
    You are an inspiration weather you want that role or not....
    It's GREAT seeing you up and around....Galen

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    1. Aw, thanks! I didn't mean to worry anyone, it's just hard to blog underwater. :-)

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  3. Cheers for you. Running got me out of the worst funk ever years ago, 'twasnt quick, but it did.
    Good luck to you.

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  4. Welcome back. Hope whatever trouble follows you around the blogs doesn't this time.

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    1. No bloggy trouble this time - it was all me. And I don't plan to blog in a way that it will be an issue again.

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  5. this is a gorgeous piece of writing. it has a painterly flow to it.

    welcome back; i'm very glad. g-man is right. you matter here.

    and there.

    and above the waves.

    and below.

    when i need grit, i think of you.

    love
    your pal
    kj

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    1. Grit. Thank you, I like that. And you know what's funny, KJ? I'd already decided when I got up that I'd return to blogging today and the chalk signs were just serendipitously there. How's that for synchronisty?

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  6. Well, that's all very mysterious but I'm glad you've got through whatever it was and come out in one piece on the other side. I missed you. Yes, exercise is good at calming those mental and emotional rip tides.

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    1. Yes well, I am a secret agent, remember? That means I'm a woman of mystery. :-)

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  7. Life runs in cycles. I found that when I accepted it, and recognized that eventually the good would come back around, the bad went away faster.

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    1. I don't think there's any escaping grieving what must be grieved. But accepting it rather than fighting it allows it to move along.

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  8. I've almost completely slacked off of blogging, but also cut back on reading others - so much political wrangling, as if that is the only thing happening in the world!

    Still it makes me tired... and discouraged. But it was refreshing to see that you were back, up and "running". I'll see if riding my bicycle does anything to shift my perspective.

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    1. I find the political wrangling tiresome, too. It's not that I don't have strong feelings about it, I just don't want to argue about it endlessly. So I'm sticking to my usual fare here!

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  9. holding peace in my own hands but needing space and time to remember that...yes, that resonates...

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    1. I can see where it would after reading your latest post.

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  10. glad the buzzard did not get you....it is good to hit those routines again after coming through a bit of life...they hurt at first too but they get us there...

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    1. Buzzards, fortunately, are only interested in the dead and I am far from dead!

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  11. Nice to see you again. Glad you are out and running, also!
    susank

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    1. Thank you - it feels good to be moving again.

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  12. After being away for 16 days I badly need to get back into healthy eating and exercise - I need to lose the weight I've put on whilst being away!

    I've made a start on both, just need to keep on. ;)

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    1. Starting and keeping on - that's pretty much the way to do it!

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  13. Happy to see you back! It's amazing how bloggers touch our lives. You were missed and I thought of you often while you were away. Hope life moves in a better direction for you.

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    1. It's funny, isn't it? I missed everyone while I was away and did a little lurking. So, thank you.

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  14. So happy you have surfaced! I have sunk below those waves a few times... but, in the end, swimming up and through the turmoil, you do see the Sun shining and the Moon and Stars glowing. (And...yes, I believe excercise helps - a lot!)

    Big Hugs from San Francisco,

    ♥ Robin ♥

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    1. It was necessary, but I'm glad to be up in the air again.

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  15. good post with the selection of lyrics and pictures - good to hear it cleared you head and good to read a post from you.

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  16. How very wonderful to see you Secret Agent Woman. Finding peace is such a gift. Sometimes it is just given to us and sometimes we have to work towards it with great determination. I'm so glad you found some.

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    1. Thanks. And in this case, it was more of a waiting with an expectation that peace would arrive for me.

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  17. good to have you back. sometimes when i have a headache i do the same thing. adrenalin is a good drug against headaches.

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  18. I REALLY missed you, both here and on the other social media platform we share.

    Now, this running with a migraine thing and finding the headache gone at the end? WONDERFUL. You willed yourself into taking the action that made a change. That's the way all my favorite people live their lives.

    I do hope, overall, that you're feeling, well, what word to use? All right? Content? Not down?

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    1. First, many thanks. And overall? Mostly all those things. I think that has to be good enough for now.

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