Things you'll never see me wearing.

I was looking at running shoes earlier this summer and saw these on display. I thought they might be designed for athletic clowns. But guess what? At the gym yesterday morning I saw a pair of them on the feet of one of the trainers. I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing at him.

I like sock monkeys as much as the next person - I even own one. But seriously, what the hell? On old-fashioned cotton housedresses like my grandmother used to wear, no less.

And then I got a catalog I'd never heard of in the mail and the first page I flipped it open to was this one. Made for the way I live? I had to put this one on facebook - because my immediate thought was that you'd have to kill me to get them on me and even then I was pretty sure my corpse would fight back. I know I'm about to hit a half century, but dear God, no. Just no. In fact, no to any pants with an elastic waist. I'm hanging on to my Levi's, thank you.