Friday, March 29, 2013

Attack of the spambots.

It's possible my blog has a better spam filter than most, but I've not yet felt a need to enable comment moderation or the supremely annoying word verification that sometimes makes me skip commenting on a post rather than try to decipher the squiggly letters and numbers. It's not that I don't get my share of spam, it's just that the filter catches most of it and the rest I mark as spam in the dashboard to help Blogger learn what to weed out. But I do read them in my email, and they are often comical. Like when my post called "Stretched a little thin," about feeling emotionally wrung out, elicited spam about diet tips.  Or the post on baking bread that pulled in a comment that included, "I think you should write more on this issue, it might not be a taboo matter but typically folks don't discuss these subjects." Because, you know, bread-making is such a secret activity!

The comments offer effusive, if not grammatically correct, compliments. One told me, "If someone wishes expert view on the topic of blogging and site-building then I recommend him/her to visit this weblog. Keep up the fastidious work." Indeed, I'm widely know as the fastidious blogger. Or the weirdly time-warping comment, "Lucky me I found your site by accident, and I am surprised why this accident did not took place in advance." My favorite may have been the praise of my "remarkable writing" on a post with only photos and not a single word. At times, the writing is downright incomprehensible: "Its such as you learn my mind! You seem to grasp a lot as approximately this, like you wrote the ebook in it or something. I feel that you simply could do with a few percent to pressure the message house a little bit, but instead of that, that is wonderful blog." Um, okay. I'll get right on that.

One spambot told me "You ought to be part of a contest for the highest quality websites on the internet! I am going to highly recommend this website!" Of course, the "finger arthritis" remedies he was linking to must have prevented that, because I have yet to receive my award. Does anyone actually click on the links for the things they sell?  I hope not.

And then there's was today's gem: "Thanks for one's marvelous posting! I genuinely enjoyed reading it, you're a great author. I will be sure to bookmark your blog and may come back later in life." Later in life? Perhaps after he retires? And what was Mr. Spam offering? An "ejaculation trainer." Perhaps I'm naive, but all this time I was under the impression that it wasn't one of those things men had to learn how to do. Maybe I haven't been paying close enough attention? Or maybe women are the ejaculation trainers.  

41 comments:

  1. "I was under the impression that it wasn't one of those things men had to learn how to do. Maybe I haven't been paying close enough attention? Or maybe women ARE the ejaculation trainers."

    OMG...that CRACKED ME UP!!!!!!!

    My favorite spams are the ones as you shared, incomprehensible. Almost CRYPTIC, like they're talking to you in some sort of odd code.

    I honestly think Blogger does a great job at filtering spam, but what I really like about using Disqus as my comment platform is that it's like double spam protection. Plus, you can blacklist spam commenters so that they can't post a comment ever again.

    Have a fabulous weekend! And Happy Easter!

    X

    ReplyDelete
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    1. That's so funny that you were here commenting while I was commenting on your blog. There's some sort of cosmic balance to that.

      I feel that way about the cryptic ones, too - like if I could just parse it, there would be a true message in it for me. :-)

      Delete
  2. Well, um, sometimes "remarkable writing" takes place in a single word. Literally, a single word.

    I'm with you on not loving word verification and being happy to let the filter catch the worst of it.

    Quick follow-up to your comment on my post: we all were floored that my mom bailed (nearing 40 years of marriage, no less); there are about ten blog posts I could write, explaining the difficulties of that time...and how my sister hasn't spoken to her since. Ah, families!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. But in zero words? Or maybe he was saying it is best if I don't write at all.

      Oh my family could go toe to toe with yours, trust me.

      Delete
  3. ha. i love the ones that are insulting. "if i was to blog, i would never write like you. this has to be the worst thing i read all day. buy cialis" i think spam is run by aliens...just saying...

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Huh. I have yet to get an insulting spam comment. Maybe Spammom likes me better.

      Delete
  4. I loved as much as you received carried out here. The sketch is stylish, your grammar is ubiquitous and far reaching. I praise ultimately the manner in which you quantify your views.

    I chiefly do not notice this, but I celebration that you did.

    Cheers.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I encourage celebration with my ubiquitous grammar.

      Delete
  5. pI am expert photo maker and was strumped deeply by wonderful picture so wonderful you posted you on your blog. Want to make million dollars? Of course, who do not? Your photo worth much and I can help. Send me $1,000 U.S. cashier check to my mailbox in Mumbai and you make millions. Seriously.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Have you and my previous commenter met, by any chance? Spambrothers from Montana?

      Delete
  6. Perhaps an ejaculation trainer is just a poor translation for male prostitute?

    What is really scary is to visit a blog that has been abandoned by its writer and the wall is full of spam........much like graffiti!

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Why a male prostitute?

      If I ever abandon my blog, I'm going to shut down comments. Unless I die, of course.

      Delete
    2. LOL...I don't know! It's the first thing that came to my mind. Who knows more about a penis than another man?

      And now we are going to be worried if you go away for a few weeks without warning us!

      Delete
  7. I get loads of this stuff too. I'm always puzzled by the total illiteracy of what they write, which scarcely makes any sense. Why bother with text at all since it's so unreadable it's not going to influence anyone? Why not just put in the link and leave it at that?

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I think the writers are not native English speakers. And I think the text helps push them past the spam filters on occasion.

      Delete
  8. Later in life....that's pretty funny. Of course word verification drives me crazy and I think blogger does an excellent job on catching the spam! I wish they would just do away with it rather than take Reader away.....

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  9. I have been quite tickled by the way spam commments have become so oddly effusive.
    Occasionally, one slips through, but I agree the Blogger has very good spam filtering.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Most of my spam comments go to older posts which require comment approval. But oddly one slipped through on this post!

      Delete
  10. Mine was letting really odd ones slip through like the woman with dogs in Chicago who was in love with everything I did, she was and is about a daily event even though I mark her as spam for Blogger and then a long time commenter keeps getting thrown into spam even though I tell it "Not Spam" hundreds of times. I too hate word captcha especially when bloggers also have comment moderation. I liken it to a birth control pill + condom.
    XO
    WWW

    ReplyDelete
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    1. That's really weird. I haven't had any problems like that.

      Delete
  11. LOL! I get a lot of the same spam. The ones that really kill me are those "You're a great writer" on something with just a photo. If they actually landed on a Suzie's House, I'd allow it. Well, maybe not, but I'd certainly do more than grumble and delete.

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    1. I want a job as a spam writer - I think it would be fun.

      Delete
  12. I get plenty of those in spam too. I'd read one or two but after that I'd just delete the whole lot.

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    1. I left mine in the spam folder for this post and then deleted all of them.

      Delete
  13. good lord they are ridiculous aren't they? i've been getting hit lately as well.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Yes they are. And it's a recent resurgence of them.

      Delete
  14. i never read all these spam comments. they bug me to no end. i press the delete button on my email with contempt.

    but you have managed to give me more than a few chuckles from them. hilarious.

    i have nothing to say about ejaculation trainers. i am too busy with my erector set...

    love
    kj

    ReplyDelete
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    1. You might consider deleting them in the dashboard as well, to make sure they've actually been marked as spam. But I don't have any feeling about them - I find them amusing.

      Another thing I've not noticed men having problems with.

      Delete
  15. I prefer to moderate my comments. It has the benefit on not only weeding out the garbage, but also making sure I read everyone's comments.

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    1. If all your comments go to email regardless, comment moderation makes no difference in terms of comments read. I read them as emails and again when I return to respond.

      Delete
  16. incomprehensible - yes most of my spam comments are thrown together like that. Sentence fragments that make little sense are the strangest one. Of course a comment doesn't need to be a complete sentence. The filter has been busy since around the beginning of this year. I think someone in Eastern Europe found my blog. Most all the spam comes in during the early hours of the morning here. You are right about not following their links because that is exactly what they want.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I think they've found everyone's blogs.

      Delete
  17. I wonder if people click through on those links too! I suppose they must if they continue to spam all of us. It must work to some degree.

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    1. It must, but I don't understand why anyone would fall for it.

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  18. Thankfully I very rarely get spam. You watch I'll probably get loads now I've said that. LOL

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  19. Those are funny! Sometimes I'll look at the spam that my blog filters for me, and I usually get the "you should write more on this issue" emails.

    Then sometimes my blog gets too filter-happy and tags innocent comments as spam.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I have only rarely had an innocent comment marked as spam, fortunately.

      Delete
  20. That is funny - makes you wonder what poor little boffins are leaving comments left, right and centre on countless blogs only for the spam filter to stop them in their tracks. Do they get paid per comment I wonder?

    My most searched google term which lands people on my blog is sex on a moving motorbike. Gosh they must be disappointed when they find my vanilla blog with not a hint of leather to be found.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. I wonder if the writers even get any feedback - maybe they track when someone foolishly clicks on a link?

      I used to get hits for "Daniel Radcliffe's hairy legs." I never mentioned that in my blog, I promise.

      Delete