Sunday, March 10, 2013

Your comments can lead me down strange alleyways in my mind.

Someone commented on a previous post about how I seem to meet a lot of men. And it's true I've had a what-the-hell attitude and I often go out just to have something to do.  But I started thinking about it - how many had I met? I started to write out a list of everyone I'd gone out with since I'd been divorced. I'm including even single dates - be it dinner or a cup of coffee, that never amounted to anything. But while some names of people I'd only met once came back easily, others I couldn't do any better than "the conceited-for-no-discernable-reason pilot," or "the quiet-talking architect," "the pathologist who bristled when I mentioned that I was a pacifist," or even just "that dreadfully boring guy." (Which lead me into a tangential train of thought about coding all my actual relationships by profession - the engineer, the astrophysicist, the bank president, the cop, and so on.) Anyway - even the ones whose names I couldn't immediately bring to mind, I could still remember even if we only met briefly.

Like the guy I met for coffee, who started telling me the plot of some movie in excruciating detail, including this bit:
Him: "It had Jack Niklaus..."
Me: "Umm..."
Him: "and that guy who was the vagabond in Titanic?"
Me: "Leonardo DiCaprio?"
Him: "Yeah, yeah, Leonardo da Vinci."
And then went on to continue mis-saying the names. Unless there really was a movie that starred a PGA champion and a Renaissance artist.

Or the dinner date who I met on a snowy night who helpfully scraped ice off my car windshield for me with his credit card.

Or the lunch date whose gay vibe was so strong I had a hard time not saying, "Are you absolutely certain you're not gay?"

Or the dinner date who spent part of the time drawing cartoons of fellow diners for me and who I knew the instant I laid eyes on him that there was no chance I'd see him a second time.  

Or the morning coffee date who was remarkably unable to hear my many assurances that not only did I not want to go out with him again, that I did not want to maintain any sort of contact at all.

Or the dinner date who admitted that although he'd claimed his divorce was just a formality at that point, he was actually still waiting for his ex to serve papers on him.

I am not counting the guys I talked to but ultimately decided not to meet at all.  Like the guy who in the midst of a benign email conversation about hiking wrote, "I bet you would enjoy being tied to the bed and having control taken from you." Thanks for the heads up, ya freak. Honestly. Why would you not wait until you'd at least met before you broached the topic of sex?

So, adding up just the men I actually met, there were only 35.  Not so many over the course of six years. But boy, some of those were NOT worth leaving the house for, except possibly for the story.

61 comments:

  1. so that's a rough average of one every other month. :)

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    1. Average, yes. But there were long periods of time where I'd be in a relationship and not seeing anyone else.

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  2. That last guy was not bringing up the topic of sex. I'd venture he was getting himself off on more than that!

    35 guys. Hmm. I'm trying to try that on myself, i who has dated maybe 20 people in all :-)

    This is a delightful post, cs. There is a sweet humor about the way you describe each encounter. This should be an article in a magazine

    Hahaha xoxo

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    1. I didn't go into the entirety of his insistence that he know exactly what I would and wouldn't do (which I refused to tell him, of course!)

      Now that you say that, I am certain that the number of post-divorce dates is greater than pre-marriage ones.

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  3. ha....well at least a few were interesting...or good fodder for stories...lol...the scraping your window with the credit card is kinda sweet actually...um....1 here....for the last 20 years...we wont talk about before that...smiles.

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    1. It was sweet. There just wasn't any chemistry with that guy.

      And I had a 20 year stretch where I was married and, of course, not dating!

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  4. hmm, this was a fun read! I'm glad you went down this alley way, describing the dates and non-dates in such a quiet, humorous way. I have not had nearly that many dates in my whole life. but then, I have not looked that hard.

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    1. Sometimes dating is a trial, but more often than not it's worth the effort to me.

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  5. Nah, Catherine the Great had you beat.

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    1. That sent me on a wild google chase. I couldn't find any reference to dating for Catherine the Great, but the highest number for actual lovers was only 12. So unless you know something about her that I don't...

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    2. Yes, one should always cite one's sources, I omitted:
      Cowles, Virginia. The Romanovs. New York, N.Y.: Harper and Row, 1971.

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    3. Or, I coulda paraphrased Romney: "We're not going to let fact-checkers rule this blog conversation...."

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    4. Well, I'm not buying the bok just to find out - so you tell me, how many boyfriends did the woman have?

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  6. The total number is not that important but the descriptions and first impressions are. Have you done any matchmaking on the side?

    Just an odd little calculation on matching people I found on G+ the other day. It uses Drake's equation (civilization out there) and just skip to the 2:00 min mark for the love match part.

    http://youtu.be/TekbxvnvYb8

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    1. Why would I want to do matchmaking? I trust my friends to make their own dates.

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    2. I would not do it either because I would feel responsible if things turned out bad. But silly me thought most women (sexist thinking?) enjoy matchmaking. Maybe I've seen too many movies and my own experiences of it.

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    3. I have never even heard of that stereotype. But I know it's not true for me or any of my women friends.

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  7. "Me: "Leonardo DiCaprio?

    Him: "Yeah, yeah, Leonardo da Vinci."

    Bwhahahahahahahahahahaha!

    OMG...you have no idea how much that made me HOWL! I actually have tears rolling down my face from laughing so hard. That was HILARIOUS!

    And after reading this post, I started thinking about the guys I've met and honestly can't think of the exact number. But I know it's not a lot because I don't date much. But I will tell you that I dated someone once who threw me into a swimming pool with all my clothes on one night, while we were at a beach bar in Florida. He did it just for the hell of it. He was a PSYCHO!

    Great post!
    X

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    1. Ron, that conversation was just surreal to be in. I couldn't believe he actually corrected me on the actor's name!

      I can't begin to tell you how pissed I'd be if someone threw me into a pool in my clothes on a date.

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  8. 35 is still a whole lot more than I've met. But then I don't get out much.

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    1. I have to get out - I get bored just staying in.

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  9. I'd be curious to hear how you met them. Not that I'm looking for one, but where does one find men these days? And if one works at home, does that limit where they'll be men? 35 doesn't seem like that high of a number for that period of time.

    betty

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    1. Some just in my regular life, some on-line. The interesting thing about on-line dating is that you get a chance to meet people you'd otherwise never encounter. And I have me some very nice guys.

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  10. I like the sound of the one who drew cartoons of the fellow diners. I think I'd have gone out with that one a second time. :)

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  11. Yikes, I am sooooooooooooo glad to be out of the dating game!

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    1. There are good parts and bad parts, just like there are to being married.

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  12. I wouldn't know where to start dating, thankfully I have MWM so I don't need too. ;)

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    1. I"ve been there. But I don't think I'd want to have missed this time in my life.

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  13. I have a very good friend who has been divorced for 7 years and hasn't been on one date! Of course, she refuses to do the online thing, so that limits her.

    I'm sure the key to it all is being open and receptive. I was always on the lookout for men, so had a lot of dates. I compare that to my oldest daughter, for whom men is never near the top of her priorities, and she has had only two relationships at age 23.

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    1. I din't really date much until grad school and then ended up getting married after a couple of years. But now, I think the key really is being open. And being able to set aside pre-conceived ideas about who you ought to go out with.

      And I can't quite wrap my mind around not being with someone for seven years. Heck, I would have trouble with a month!

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  14. Some amusing and bizarre moments! The guy who suddenly broached his sexual fetish is truly weird - though I imagine hardly unique....

    I had a lot more than 35 dates before I met Jenny, though not many serious relationships/friendships. And absolutely NO dates while we've been together, though I admit to the odd temptation that was firmly resisted.

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    1. Some guys put that kind of stuff right in their profiles. A real time-saver for me!

      Well, I've had a lot more than 35 dates, just 35 with different men. I have no idea how many before I got married.

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  15. I don't think I date nearly as much as I should, but I'm 98% okay with it.

    I loved your dating stories! I'm sure some of those were not too funny right then and there, though, especially the bold email guy. Yikes!

    When I was on "PlentyofFish", a match-making website, some guy emailed me after looking at my profile and said that he thought about me all night. Good to know! Buh-bye. Then I went out with a guy who told me that he had several other possible dates with other women lined up. He prided himself on being honest with me. That was honest, I guess.

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    1. I distrust men who are too into you before you even meet. And honesty in the very beginning of dating has it's limits. Saying you have lots of other dates lined up is sort of like saying someone else is about to make an offer on the house you are looking at. I think it's less about honesty than about bragging and/or pressure.

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  16. I still have dating nightmares!

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    1. Not me. I've had some really lovely dates.

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  17. What a bunch of LOSERS! What you need is to curl up with a nice reliable squirrel!

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    1. Actually, half of those guys in the stories were really very sweet. And squirrels - they just dismantled one of my bird feeders, so I'm a little miffed.

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  18. I haven't had a great many dating experiences, but the ones I have had were at best wonderful and at worst...interesting :)

    I agree that comments can send the mind down stange alleyways! One of my favorite parts of blogging.

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    1. I feel the same way - I've never had one of those horor story dates. Boring at the very, very worst.

      It's one of my favorite things about blogging, too.

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  19. I have to say that this makes me happy I'm off the market again. It's tough weeding through the muck!

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    1. I don't think of myself as being "on the market." I'm just a single woman who dates. And I have met WAY more nice guys than not.

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  20. Those are some interesting incounters! This was fun and 35 is not a bad number at all.

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    1. I've actually had fun with it, for the most part.

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  21. I'm glad that this won;'t be happening to me because it seems there are some strange men out there. Better the devil you know......... ha!
    Maggie x

    Nuts in May

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    1. Maybe, but I don't wish myself back in my mariage.

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  22. This was so funny. There sure are some winners in the world.

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  23. Oh wow, so this is what it looks like from the other side of the dating spectrum.

    Yeah, I'm not looking forward to looking for a new girlfriend. I'm certain that there are just as many crazy/weird women out there.

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    1. It's not gender-linked, I just happen to date men. The world is chock full o' crazy. Trust me.

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  24. How did you get it so you can reply to specific comments right below them?

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    1. I think this is how I did it. On the Overview age of your dashboard:

      1. Click on "Settings"
      then "Other"
      then "Allow Blog Feeds"
      set it to "Fill" in the drop down menu

      2. Then again under "Settings"
      click on "Posts and Comments"
      then on "Comment Form Placement"
      set it to "Embedded" in the drop down menu

      Make sure to click "Save settings"

      Let me know if that works!

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    2. Thanks so much. It worked great. I never would have figured that out and dreaded doing a search at blogger. Perfect.

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    3. You're more than welcome - I'm glad I could help.

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  25. I am absolutely beguiled by the photo of the squirrel against the tree. It is just so...perfect with it's body curved into the chipped bark of it. I was transfixed for a while and didn't read right away!

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    1. Thank you - I loved the way the curve of the tail and of the tree fit together.

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  26. Colour me dazzled. And not just that you retained a memory of each of them.

    I'm actually not sure I've ever spoken to 35 males in my life, even to ask directions.

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  27. Okay some of those conversations you've had to endure had me laughing out loud. I don't think 35 is a large number. How else are you supposed to weed them out?

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    1. At least they were entertaining! And you'd be surprised at how many you weed out in the talking before meeting stage,

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