You know the chemistry thing? Not so much. For a variety of reasons. Chemistry isn't, I don't think, entirely physical. There's also some sort of personality/intellectual click that's important. And if I'm feeling impatient and I find myself staring off and taking deep, measured breaths, I know that's a bad sign. In addition, there was some game playing that I wasn't keen on. Like when he was talking about how he usually never kisses on the first date and then actually said that he likes women to make the first move because it gives him the power. And then he sat back and said, "I want you to kiss me. So I'm just going to sit here and make you come to me." Really? I mean, really? I just laughed, shrugged and said, "Suit yourself." And stayed where I was. Also? A little advice - never tell a psychologist who has done countless intellectual assessments that you are unusually smart. Because she'll know better. And she has observed over the years that really bright people never feel a need to say so.
I was glad to get home that day.
"Chemistry isn't, I don't think, entirely physical. There's also some sort of personality/intellectual click that's important."
ReplyDeleteYup, I couldn't agree with you more! Chemistry for me is often something I can't even see. It's more about the 'whole package' of a person. And humor. I think humor is one of the most powerful attractions for me. If someone can make me laugh - that's it!
"I said, "I have two words for you: Ted Bundy." After all, you can look normal and still be a serial rapist/murderer."
HA! OMG...I loved that!!!! Because you're right!
X
And you know, it's not that I didn't laugh. I did and he could be quite funny. But stili... something just wasn't there.
DeleteI've often been told I'm not nearly careful enough and put myself in dangerous situations, so I'm trying to change that.
Ooh, I don't like this guy . Not one bit.
ReplyDeleteLove
kj
I promise it wasn't all bad and I'm just selecting the things that illustrate my oint. But not for me, nonetheless.
DeleteYou don't have to have a psychology degree to know people who claim to be smart rarely are. I've often been amazed to find out just how smart the people I gravitate toward are. They tend to hide their trophies/certificates.
ReplyDeleteYou don't have to have a psych degree, for sure, to know that. But it helps to be able to assess IQ to back it up. I definitely prefer confidence tempered by modesty.
DeleteThat is certainly the ideal. Ironically, characters who are like that often come across as boring.
DeleteIndeed!
DeleteWait. Wait. You accepted a date with a man who WOULD NOT GIVE YOU HIS LAST NAME? Your psychologist bells weren't ringing like crazy at that? That's some serious head games right there to begin with. And that whole...I want power over you...god what a DOUCHE. Did you let him know how unimpressed you were with him?
ReplyDeleteI agree with Therese. A date on a bathing suit with this guy? Blah.
DeleteI am hereby urging you to be less adventurous.
Any date discussion about reluctant last names is a flashing stop sign.
(Stern face of a caring friend)
Love
kj
Okay, first let me clarify: I said I'd go IF I had his last name. His preference, is to tell people his last name when they meet. SOmething about a previous stalker-like incident. Which I get, mit (as I told him) my safety comes first.
DeleteAnd also, it truly wasn't all bad. There were ways that he was quite thoughtful and also I enjoyed most of the conversation. It's just that I'm more tuned into to red flags now.
And KJ, the other alternative for a hot tub is naked. Would that have been better?
No! No hot tub on a first date!
Delete:-)
Oh, hell, KJ, you know I can't agree to that! You're cramping my style, man! :-0
DeleteWow, that's fairly arrogant. Also, you have people like me who purposely use aliases and pseudonyms. And even if I gave you my real name, all you'd get one me is some Junior High newsletter from a decade ago. Maybe some research work I've done.
ReplyDeleteI've made a conscious effort to mask as much of my online profile as possible.
If you use aliases with someone you are dating, that's a pretty serious problem.
DeleteEww, I agree with you wholeheartedly that anyone who tells you he is unusually smart probably is not. At least not about people. Here's to chemistry!
ReplyDeleteI also find that when people tell me about their genius friend, if I ever meet that person they are generally not. The ability to talk a lot and with big words is not the same as being a genius. Sometimes it's just a sign that you are a blowhard.
DeleteI would never do that. He did nothing mean to me, and he'd gone to some trouble with the arrangements, so I wouldn't walk away.
ReplyDeleteInteresting, Ted Bundy's name came up in one of my recent conversations,as well. Different context. But I was with younger folks who had no idea who he was or why the name would mean anything in our conversation. Gawd, I am getting old.....
ReplyDeleteMy friends think that I am stupid in meeting blogger friends in person. I generally trust my judgment in situations that others may not, although I understand my friends' concerns. It's a hard balance at times. Glad you got to enjoy the warm springs!
I just asked my son, and he'd never heard of him either.
DeleteI have met several blogger friends and have not one regret. I think I have a pretty good sense of who is safe.
Sounds pretty risky to me but you certainly seem to know what your doing. Sorry you didn't click. He seemed to be a bit full of himself!
ReplyDeleteOh, I drove myself and the spa is busy and has attendants. I don't think I was in any danger. But I wouldn't have ridden there with him.
Deletesounds like there was plenty of chemistry but not the good kind. refusing to give a last name, telling you how smart he is, and thinking he could manipulate you into a first kiss.....blech.
ReplyDeletePeople are funny. It's not an experience I want to repeat, but not a terrible night.
DeleteSounds like there may be a lot more to this guy than he's given and not all that good.
ReplyDeleteI use the Ted Bundy thing ALL THE TIME. People expect rapists to have horns or no teeth or something. A Ted Bundy look alike is the norm. We had Paul Bernardo here in Canada and he was like a movie star. Raped and killed schoolgirls.
Be careful out there, my friend.
XO
WWW
I had to google him - you're right, much like Ted Bundy.
DeleteI am. I'm a good judge of danger, given my field, and I was never in a situation where I was at any risk. It wasn't like a hot tub at someone's house.
Hmmm, I see a lot of controlling and manipulative behaviour there. He just wasn't letting you be yourself. Not good. I wouldn't want to go out with him again.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I've already let that go!
DeleteJust plain creepy. Do you use the buddy system, where you let someone know where you are going and with whom? I stress this with my oldest, to always let someone else know.
ReplyDeleteI did tell a friend this time, although I don't usually bother when I'm just meeting someone at a restaurant for dinner.
DeleteI'm guessing it was enjoyable but not too much. What a silly game. Reminds me of something a junior high kid would do. Maybe your conversation would make sense if I was there but do people typically talk about kissing on a date? Don't most people just let the kissing work its way into the mood of the moment?
ReplyDeleteA lot of it was fun, I have to say. People talk abut all kinds of things on a first date.
DeleteI have a question, ignore if too personal. If you didn't know his last name, how did you meet and arrange the date? Yes, I'm hopelessly out of touch with the modern world, but I haven't been able to figure that one out.
ReplyDeleteOld and Archaic in Montana
Telepathy. :-)
DeleteI think it is great how willing you are to meet new people. Cliche alert - nothing ventured, nothing gained. As for this particular date, he sounds like someone interesting to go out with exactly once :)
ReplyDeleteSee, that's exactly how I see it. WOuld it really be better for me just to sit here at home?
DeleteAh, chemistry! For me, it's something very real bordering on the profound. There have been people, complete strangers, I've met and...in just one glance, I KNEW I wanted to know them better. It hasn't happened all that often, but every time it has, the results were consequential.
ReplyDeleteConsequential. Not always ending happily, but definitely consequential.
DeleteYes, chemistry is more than physical. I have felt vibes from dates right off the bat, or even through email. Bells go off, but they're usually the bells that tell me I should stay away.
ReplyDeleteThat guy who said that he wanted you to kiss him and that he'd wait for you to go to him. Wow - I could picture someone I used to work with (he didn't say that, but he had that kind of attitude).
For me, good chemistry t's always in person. I can enjoy someone's emails, but the chemistry part is immediate and only available in person. But the warning bells can definitely happen by email/text/ or phone.
DeleteI shuddered several times in the reading of this. Blech.
ReplyDeleteYeah. He later apologized.
Delete