Let me say up front, that I am fully a Southerner when it comes to weather. I like it warm. Sweltering, even. Summer is best and Spring and Fall not far behind. Winter and I, however, are often not even on speaking terms. And I know, the north and midwest have gotten pounded much harder than we have by this polar vortex distortion business, but that hasn't stopped me from retreating to facebook and sniping about the weather here:
The weather report said "brutally cold" this afternoon, then "dangerously cold" tonight. Nice. Next up, "horrifyingly cold" and "holy mother of god batshit crazy cold."
and later:
The on-line report says, "Dangerously cold morning with brutally cold weather all day long! At least there will be sunshine!" What is wrong with them? Those are not happy statements. Give me cloudy and warm enough not to freeze the air in my lungs. It's -2 degrees but "feels like -8." And by "-8" they mean "hell."
And today:
I was almost giddy when the temperature briefly rose to 32 today. That's right, we were UP to freezing. There's a reason why the worst circle of hell, where Satan lives, is frozen. Dante knew what he was talking about.
It's not just that it's miserably cold and I can't bear to be outside unless I have no choice (because hey, I have my 7-minute workout, which I am doing religiously twice a day), but that it brings with it a wave of cancellations. If someone truly can't make it in, that's fine. But don't cancel your 8 am appointment at 7:45, just as I'm arriving at the office. And worse, don't just freaking not show up and not bother to cancel. You see why I had too much time to be spending on facebook?
One silver lining - a seasonal IPA just perfect for the weather. Now - if you need me, I'll be stomping around and thinking up new snarky weather commentary. Many more empty appointment hours, and I'm going to apply for a job as an irritable meteorologist.
