Wednesday, May 21, 2014

For the last month, I've been talking about everything but this.

At the beginning of April, I'd finished off the work I needed to do to get my house ready to put on the market. And then, except for posts about de-cluttering, I stopped talking about it. I don't do well with uncertainty and it made me too anxious to write about the process. But my realtor just let me know that the folks who have a contract on my house finally got their mortgage approved and we're set to close on the 30th. They actually made an offer about ten days after I listed it. Time started dragging from there as we slowly went through offers and counter-offers and counter-counter-offers and then inspection and more negotiation and then appraisal...  And in the meantime, I had to find a house. I screened the listings my agent sent me on-line first, then drove to the neighborhoods of the ones I liked to have a look at them, then went to see the inside of four houses. Just like the house I'm in now, I knew from the minute I walked inside which house I wanted. I just fell in love with a small older house in a pretty neighborhood and immediately could see my life there. The current owner's furnishings and wall colors disappeared in my mind and I started dreaming of which walls I'd paint and what landscaping I'd do and which furniture of my own would move with me.

Following the inspection, the buyers, worried about the ungrounded plugs (common in older houses), insisted that they all be grounded, along with some other electrical work. I had the outdoor plugs replaced and an additional GFCI put in, but the grounding estimate was $2500. I was NOT happy. I'd poured way too much money into updating the house as it was, I'd already cut the price quite a bit and made other concessions and it was starting to feel like the buyers were going to wring every last cent out of me that they could. On Sunday night, as I was fretting, I suddenly stopped and consciously made an effort to see the situation differently. I googled the buyers and discovered they are younger and, judging from their concerns about a lack of railing on the screened-in porch, probably have young kids and I know they are first time buyers. I thought about how they were probably, like me, just doing the best they could in a difficult process. And I started to view them with compassion instead of anger. I sent an email to their agent asking her to forward this note to the buyers:

"Hi, I wanted to ask you about some things I could leave behind or not, depending on your preference. In particular, the family room (the room with the fireplace and knotty pine walls) furniture. I'm not offering to sell it - it's serviceable but not in fantastic shape. But I'm moving to a smaller home with a living room but not a den and I thought if you happened to be moving from a smaller place it would give you some time before you had to buy new furniture for it. There's a love seat, easy chair, ottoman, television cabinet and computer cabinet. Also, the house came with wicker-like furniture on the screened-in porch which I cleaned up and painted when I moved in, and which I'd planned to leave. Finally, I can leave all the curtains that are up if you want them. If not, I can send all of that to Habitat. You're welcome to let me know through your realtor if you prefer."

I figured whether or not they took me up on my offer, I had changed the tone of the process in the same way my older son positively altered the mood at graduation with his cheering. I felt better and let go of any lingering frustration about the money I was going to have to kick in for the rest of the electrical work. Yesterday, to my surprise, I got this back from their agent:

"Thanks so much for your offer. The buyers would love for you to leave those items if they are of no use to you. Also, the electrical that had not been done is fine since it's not a safety issue like the other was."

Guess who did a little dance of karmic joy? So in a little over a week, I'll be heading happily into the next adventure.

54 comments:

  1. Wow! That's fantastic that your email did the trick! Congrats!

    And awesome that you loved the fourth house you visited. We've only ever bought two homes, but I hate to tell you how many we toured till finding the right ones. It was immediate love both times though.

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    1. With my current house, I looked at one that was just a model for ones they were building and this one. That's it. I noticed it and asked my realtor to take me to see it.

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  2. booyah....glad this all went so smooth for you...and one good turn deserves another....glad that came back to you as well...

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    1. It was definitely not smooth! But worked out in the end, so it's okay.

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  3. Congratulations! I thought your house would sell fairly quickly, and ten days for an offer is pretty good going.

    Good you were able to change the negative feelings into more positive ones. It's very unpleasant when you end up moving in an atmosphere of mutual suspicion and animosity, which is what has happened to us once or twice.

    It's a great feeling when you walk into a house and just know it's the right one for you. That's what we felt when we first saw this one.

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    1. That actually happened when I moved in here - the former owners were a little unhinged and even threatened to sue me because I had the gall to move in after we closed on the house. I did not want to be feeling badly or for the new people to feel bad.

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  4. That is great news. I always say kill them with kindness. It seems to work every time. I am sure you will enjoy your new home.

    Betty

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    1. The nest part was that I wasn't expecting anything, I just wanted to do something nice so we could both feel good about the sale.

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  5. A HUGE congratulations, my friend! I am so happy for you!!!!!!

    "Sunday night, as I was fretting, I suddenly stopped and consciously made an effort to see the situation differently."

    Isn't it amazing how in changing our perception, it changes the whole situation into something positive?

    "Guess who did a little dance of karmic joy?"

    What comes around goes around and you are a prime example of that.

    You GO, girl!

    Again, I am so happy for you!
    X

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    1. Thank you!

      And changing perspective is not as difficult as it feels like it wil be, but it does take a conscious effort. I'm going to try to remember this experience so I can keep myself from wallowing in anger.

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  6. It's sad really how many of our systems are set up to be adversarial when they really don't have to be. And it's really grand when we can change the nature of those relationships with just a little human kindness.

    Well done. Congratulations. And much happiness in your new home.

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    1. I sometimes feel like we've become inclined to be in conflict rather than working from a place of mutual understanding.

      And thanks!

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  7. Wonderful! How great that your good mojo possibly inspired theirs. I love it. And congratulations. I moved to my empty nest home 5 years ago and I still love walking into it every day! I hope you love your new digs as well.

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    1. Thank you - I know how much I like walking into this house after seven years and I feel pretty sure the new one will have that same feeling.

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  8. How wonderful for them and for you and much happiness in your new home and neighborhood.

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  9. Good thinking move on your part. I read above that you really wanted to make the dealing more friendly and that's always good. I have almost no experience in selling homes. I often wonder how much the realtors aid or hinder the process.
    thanks for sharing this.

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    1. When I first put my house on the market, my ex said, "Remember that no mater how friendly they seem, the realtor is NOT your friend. They're in it to make money. Period." I think there's encouragement on their part to go for the best deal possible as quickly as possible to get their cut. Whether or not it's really the best deal for the seller or the buyer.

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  10. I, like you, have always felt when the house was a "fit". I love how you turned the demands around. Now you can move on in contentment and leave your lovely energy to linger on for the new owners with the furniture :D
    XO
    WWW

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    1. That energy is building on itself, too - I've been putting together a list of things they might want to know about the house (like what plants I've put in) and so on, since I wasn't the original owner.

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  11. Well I'm excited for you and I love how the compassion worked in your favor!

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  12. What a wonderful work done by you to get a wonderful house!

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  13. Can't wait to hear about your next place and adventure. Job location is changing also?

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  14. My friend C calls me the Universe whenever I go into his life and get him to do something. In this case, clearly, the Universe is working overtime! Congratulations.

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  15. Thanks for sharing your story. I hope you have a wonderful next adventure. Life is full of surprises.

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    1. Thanks. And isn't it? One surprise after another.

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  16. Goodwill towards others and a little friendliness make all the difference.
    You did very well.
    I know how hard this moving house business is, we’ve done it a few times ourselves and a bit of give and take oils the wheels no end.

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    1. I've sold a couple of houses before but never on my own. It was a hrad enough process with a partner!

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  17. Well done, and nice job demonstrating the power of positivity. Glad it worked out for you so well!

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    1. Thank you. I think it helped that I didn't do it with any expectations.

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  18. I am sure the buyers were overjoyed with your act of kindness. Glad you were able to connect with them--I am applauding here.

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    1. I feel so much better now about them moving into a house I've loved.

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  19. That also means you don't have to go through the effort of moving or throwing out those items too right?

    Double nice.

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  20. Oh your house looks beautiful I can understand why you got an offer on it so quickly. Ah sending out good vibes usually brings them back, well done. Can't wait to see your new house. x

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  21. So so happy for you . I want to hear about your new neighborhood: city-ish?

    As for your email exchange, you were wise and kind and how great for all of it.

    Love
    kj

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  22. Congratulations on the sale of your house! I know it's stressful but it sounds like it's all working out for everyone.
    xo jj

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    1. Thanks - I hope we are all feeling better about it now.

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  23. Its lovely when 'throwing your bread upon the waters' works:)
    I am so -pleased for you that you have found a house you love: it can be very hard to sell before knowing where you are going.

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    1. I was worrying about having to rent an apartment for a while, so this has worked out very well.

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  24. I'm so happy for you. Now you can move on without feeling any bitterness towards this house.

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  25. How amazing. I took forever to get out of the house I'd rented for 14 years...of course, I didn't own it. I gave almost everything away and the rest is in a 10 x 20 Public Storage unit costing me $381/month while I am back and forth to India
    ( totally ridiculous ) - 15 months out of the last two years. I go back again July 23rd, probably only for four months. I'm going to try to get on a wait list for a senior ocean front apartment in Pacifica, CA - probably that will take at least a year. I've got to settle down again sooner or later.

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    1. That's a lot - storage units are, fortunately, not as expensive here.

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  26. That's a lot of work for one person to do alone - good for you! I've grown spoiled where it comes to moving as my husband's companies have paid for the last two moves to do be done for us. Of course when somoene else moves for you, you miss out on the opportunity to declutter! Good luck on the next leg of life's journey. I hope your new home is wonderful and that you have a great time making it yours.

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    1. If someone else were going ot pack for me, I think I'd still do some pre-packing de-cluterring. Just to minimize what I was unpacking.

      And thanks.

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  27. Congrats on the sale!

    Isn't it something what a change in tone can do for you.

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