Sunday, September 16, 2018

What we do when the days are good ones.

I was really starting to rebound by Friday so we decided to get out a little this weekend. Saturday, my husband and I went to a brewery with a tree-shaded outdoor beer garden and had a gooey gruyère and gouda grilled cheese sandwich on sourdough with a couple of pints - one of their IPA and one pale ale. My husband buzzed my hair down to next to nothing last weekend so now it's so short I'm self-conscious about it. I wear a cap when I'm out or at work. One of my partner's patients asked him if I was Muslim. I found that really funny. And I don't bother trying to cover up my port. It's just part of me until the chemo is over. I'm sure people wonder about it though because it looks weird - the big lump and jagged scar, then the tube that snakes under my skin over my collarbone, up to the bottom of my neck and into my jugular. Sometimes I catch sight of it and am taken aback.
See that left foot carefully not touching the bathtub? Still not working. The neuropathy causes my foot to sense anything cool as icy cold. Standing in the shower is impossible for me, so I take baths. And if I'm going to do that, it's going to be a lovely lavender-scented bath with candles. I saw my PCP last week because it had been a month with no improvement and he has put in a referral for neurosurgery. And I go see my plastic surgeon next week for a follow-up from the reconstruction and I'll ask her about it, too, since the problem happened in surgery. I would just like to be able to walk and stand without intense pain. By the way, I tried the CBD oil for a few weeks and took it religiously. Didn't help with the pain or tingling, didn't help me sleep, didn't make me any calmer. Nothing. I stopped taking it when I started chemo. When I got out of the bath and the water level dropped, I saw it - a ring of my 3/4 inch hair. So it's finally started. I'd read that hair usually starts falling out in earnest by day 14 or 15, but this is day 17 for me and it's the first hint of my hair starting to eject. Honestly, I'm relieved. If the poisons are killing my fast-growing hair cells, it means they are also killing any rogue cancer cells that might be in me.
Today has been mostly overcast with light rains. It only got up to 73 today, in contrast to the near-90's we've been having. We decided to get out again and this time we met up with two other couples in our neighborhood at another brewery nearby. Interestingly, both of the women in these couples have had breast cancer, so they've been a great help to me. It was good to sit in the breeze, talking and laughing with friends. I know that in another five days I'll start the downward slide again, but I also now know that it gets better and I can have fun during those windows. I'm going to live life normally during those times and enjoy whatever good days are given to me.

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