Friday, March 14, 2014

Conversations with my ex.

My ex-husband and I have a remarkably good relationship for former spouses. Which is fortunate, since we run a business together. My schedule is set up a little different than his and there are days when we hardly see each other, although I can sometimes hear him laugh through the wall that divides our offices. On slower days, though, we chat off and on throughout the day. The first year after our divorce was a little tense, but it has now been seven years and we've settled into a mostly easy friendliness. And since we'd been together for twenty years before that, we haven't fallen out of the habit of rather casual exchanges. Like the time a couple of years ago I was complaining about the density of my breast tissue making for painful mammograms. He laughed and said, "That's the price you pay for having great tits."
And that's how we have conversations like this one, when he gave me a copy of an article about the many ways a high-sugar diet negatively affects various organs.  You know, diabetes and blah, blah, blah. And then I saw it:
Me: "Oh my God, eating lots of sugar makes you wrinkle faster!"
Ex: "That's funny that that's the first thing you went to - 'fuck my kidneys - people can SEE my skin!'"
Me: "Well, yeah - my point exactly!"

Nothing like vanity to shake you up. And so, using Lent as a jumping off point, I have dramatically cut back on sugary/processed foods. In spite of the fact that I'm thin, I knock back a disturbing quantity of sweets. I'm not kidding - several times a day I'm putting chocolate or candy or sugared cereals down my gullet. Since Ash Wednesday (ten days ago?), I've only had two cookies and one small cinnamon roll. That's it. It's especially tough when my son is around and I'm making sweet snacks for him. I'm trying, though. My hope is that by the time Easter rolls around, I'll have put enough of a dent into my sugar craving that I will just alter my general eating pattern.
His new wife is a nurse, and he often passes along health information from her. Most recently was the other morning, when he hit me with this:
Ex: "Are you in perimenopause yet?"
Me: "Wha...?"
Ex: "I'd feel guilty if I didn't pass along this new information - are you aware of the current thinking on hormone replacement therapy?"
Me: "I'm not sure..."
Ex: "Apparently, if you start low-dose HRT when you are in perimenopause, you can ward off some of the more horrible effects of menopause... like vaginal atrophy."
Me: "What!?!  Holy hell!"

I mean, sweet Jesus, is that really a thing? If it is, that is some kind of sick, twisted joke the universe plays on women. And I don't know the answer about where I am - I guess so, but I'm missing a uterus these days so the usual signs that I'm cycling are gone. I never had any PMS-like emotional changes and can't rely on that to tell. There is only the occasional breast tenderness and an inexplicable craving for Lucky Charms to let me know my ovaries are still chugging along, even if sporadically. But I wasn't taking any chances. The conversation ended there, because I turned on my heel, grabbed my cell phone and punched in my gynecologist's number right. that. minute.

That afternoon, I picked up a prescription of estrogen patches. They are dime-sized and the instructions say to put them on a fleshier part below the waist, a new one every half-week.  (I've got news for the pharmaceutical company - weeks have an uneven number of days.) So I slapped a patch on my hip when I got home. Here's the problem, though - the only fleshy part I have is also my best part.  Every time I caught sight of myself in a mirror, I'd cringe. I felt like I might as well take a sharpie and write "OLD" on my ass. I called my gynecologist again, and she had her nurse call to say there was a bag of estrogen gel samples waiting for me. Fifteen weeks worth, in fact, saving me quite a bit of money. Putting invisible gel on my legs I can live with.

I may scoff at my ex's hand sanitizer habit and what I consider to be an over-avoidance of germs, but I know important health information when I hear it. And if it also falls under the category of vanity, I really don't care.

43 comments:

  1. A little vanity is okay in my books. It's really just caring for yourself. And it seems that what makes you look good is almost always what's good for your insides too, so it works. How lucky you are to have the inside track!

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    1. That's true - a healthy diet, exercise, sleep, and son are as good for you inside as out.

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  2. Interesting, I didn't know about the estrogen replacement prior to menopause. But then, that's rather south of my area of expertise.

    My weakness has never been for sweets, I can pass up a box of chocolates without a thought, but carbs....another matter. Anything with Cm(H2O)n as a major component is a magnet for me. Pasta lures me like a siren, and my waist shows it. Ah well.

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    1. I like pasta quite a bit, but I don't mind using whole grain pasta. And bread,, for that matter. I try to avoid white pasta and such unless I'm eating out.

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  3. I love that you have such a great relationship with your former spouse!

    "In spite of the fact that I'm thin, I knock back a disturbing quantity of sweets. I'm not kidding - several times a day I'm putting chocolate or candy or sugared cereals down my gullet."

    Yup...you and I (and maybe it's because we're both Libra's) have the same body type and share the same love of SWEETS! And yes, I try to cut back as well. I seem to eat more sweets when I'm working, but yet on my days off, not as much.

    Yes, I have heard of estrogen replacement from a friend of mine in Florida who had a hysterectomy when she was 45. But back then I think they only had pills she took, not the patches or the gel.

    I agree with mischief, vanity for the sake of taking care of yourself and wanting to look the best you can is healthy.

    You GO, girl!

    X

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    1. I guess we're lucky we can, but I still know it's terrible for me. And that's true for me, too - when I'm working it's such an easy snack. WHen I worked at a CMHC, it was a running joke about how my file drawer was full of junk food!

      I don't need it because of my hysterectomy, since I kept my ovaries. But I had no idea it would still be helpful for women my age.

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  4. The evils of sugar consumption have been getting a lot of publicity recently. I try to cut down my sugar intake but sugar is shoved into so many food products it's an uphill struggle (and of course sugar rots our teeth as well).

    Good luck with the estrogen gel. I hope it does some good. Indeed, who wouldn't like to avoid "sagging and wrinkles"? I've got a few wrinkles at my advanced age but I can't say I'm too bothered by them.

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    1. Our diet - sugars, growth hormones, additives, fats - is killing us. I'm trying to eat as close to natural as I can, which includes avoiding products with added sugars whenever possible.

      Women are judged WAY more harshly for signs of aging. It isn't fair, but it's true.

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  5. My husband is also in good relation with her ex-wife-I don't mind it, it's ok with me-why peope who spent so much time together should let's say not talk>

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    1. I prefer men who are on at least civil terms with their ex's.

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  6. I'm at the other spectrum where I am embracing aging as it is such an ageist society out there. We need to celebrate it more. The denial is so rampant and of course leads to abuse. I've been giving workshops on the topic. More elders commit suicide than any other demographic.

    /Rant.

    XO
    WWW

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    1. It's not aging per se, really, it's health. Except for the wrinkles - that I might as well help if I can. Particularly since it is also good for the inside of me.

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  7. I enjoyed this post. Perhaps only to glimpse the view from the other half.

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  8. It’s not nearly as bad as you make out or fear.
    Actually, missing a uterus was a big deal at first but then I sort of got used to it and it hardly matters now. I never wanted more kids anyway.

    Menopause is ok if you keep an active, healthy life style, incl. plenty of sex; if necessary using a lubricant. I never took HRT because there was a danger of blood clotting and, frankly, on a good day, with the wind behind me, I don’t look bad at all. For an old crow, that is.

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    1. I think you may be misinterpreting my writing style and reading this as far more serious than it's intended to be. I often write about what I find funny.

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  9. I'm vain and I treat myself to some sort of dessert every night. No apologies!

    I'm sort of surprised your gyno gave you that Rx so easily. I'm leery on the ever-changing professional opinions on hormone replacement.

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    1. You don't have to apologize - I'm not trying to convert anyone. I'll eventually go back to a little chocolate every day, but I needed to cuut back for my health.

      We'd actually talked about it at my last appointment and I told her I'd think about it. She is so loathe to prescribe anything, that when she recommended it and said she is on a patch herself, I felt confidant she considers it a safe option.

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    2. Oh ok, that makes perfect sense then (about the patch).

      And yeah, I was meaning no apologies for the both of us!

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  10. I think it is a good thing you have a working relationship with your ex (no pun intended, LOL) because you are kind of "tied" together with each other because of the kids, so its good that you don't hate each other's guts so to speak and can't stand to be in the same room together; could get a bit awkward down the road at weddings. Good for you for cutting back on sugar! I hear it is supposed to be better to avoid it, but I just don't think I have the stamina to do so :)

    Always good to be proactive with one's health. Believe you me, sitting here and typing medical reports all day, I see the deterioration of people's health who don't take care of their bodies.

    betty

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    1. It definitely makes for more pleasant get-togethers as far as the children are concerned. And I like his wife - she's pleasant to me and good to my children.

      I think it's hard for people to see long-term consequences to their health. But it matters how you treat your body.

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  11. smiles...after my fathers heart attack last week, talking with the nutritionist i realized quite a few things that will be importnat in my diet and exercise for some time to come....sheesh...def important to think about maintenance...

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    1. A health scare for a parent often changes the adult child. I changed my habits after my mother's breast cancer.

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  12. I believe your breasts are going to thank you for not eating chocolate. Chocolate and caffeine can make fibrous breasts hurt more.

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    1. It is only ever an issue a couple of days a month, otherwise chocolate and caffeine don't affect me at all.

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  13. Meanwhile, I'm struggling to gain weight and I'm cramming as many sugary treats into my mouth just to barely reach 3000 calories a day.

    I think I need to start clean bulking...

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    1. Sugar to gain weight is not a good idea. You're just asking for diabetes. Better healthy food.

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  14. As you work together, it seems best to be on good terms with your ex and you are lucky that you can do this. Some just could not.

    I had to change from patches as they caused such a rash and intensive itching.
    I didn't seem to suffer with the menopause at all as I started HRT orally before it all started.
    Maggie x

    Nuts in May

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    1. We could have split up the practice, and considered it. But there seemed to be no sense in that since we still were good business partners.

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  15. Vaginal atrophy, yes. I have had to (early life hysterectomy) be on a low dose HRT for years to keep it at bay and without the .5 mg. of estrogen I get, sex is impossible. Mine treatment is called the Fem Ring and it works like a diaphragm, minus the middle, just the rubber-like ring. Insert, and change every 3 months. No daily med or lotion; it does all the work and I don't feel it at all. I feel a little weird typing it out here in public, but if it helps a single woman deal with what is a very real and awful condition, then I think I'm doing the right thing!

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    1. Thankfully, that isn't an issue for me. My surgeon told me that surgical menopause is much more difficult to adjust to than the normal, gradual menopause, so I'm glad I didn't have to forfeit my ovaries.

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  16. I so admire your cordial relationship with your ex, I adore my Hubby and am not sure I could run a business with him right now!!
    AND my reaction about how high sugar diets can affect your organs would have been exactly the same as yours. Exactly!

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    1. We've worked together since I got my license, so I'm used to it.

      :-)

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  17. You all are stronger than me. I don't think I could have an office near even any of my ex-gfs. The Mrs. works in a different department and we have little overlap at work despite that our offices are on the same floor.

    Good for you with the sugar control.

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    1. Well, as I say, we have a comfortable relationship so it's not hard.

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  18. I love that comment about the wrinkles and kidneys. May drop it into conversation myself sometime :)

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  19. It's good that you and your Ex have such a friendly relationship but personally, I wouldn't want to hang out with him. His choice of topics seem a little bit .....scary. He'd probably talk to me about the latest advances in probing prostates. Not my idea of fun. I'm just saying. :)

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    1. Ah well, he was in a medical field prior to psychology, so I'm used to it!

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  20. I'm hooting at how quickly you snap to when he drops his little nuggets. Ha!

    Also: you typed "vaginal atrophy." Don't do that ever again. EEEEK.

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    1. After 20 years together, he knows how to get my attention! And sorry - I heard it, so you had to hear it.

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